Today I am 60. Yes, the day before Mickey Mouse celebrates his 88th birthday, this Mickey turned 60. I have got the gray hair to prove it… or prove I was actually a public school teacher anyway. But one would think that 60 years of survival on this goofy planet ought to provide me with some wisdom as well.
What wisdom do I have to share? Hmm… let me think;
- I know for danged certain that teaching is an extraordinarily hard job.
- I know that kids are worth it… no matter what color they are, what language they speak, or where they come from. (I have always been partial to the blue ones from the Crab Nebula.)
- I know that I have to be a Democrat for politics. I believe in a government that builds things for all people to use, protects people from profit-hungry predators with laws, treats all people as equal, and respects every person and every person’s rights… you know, all the things that make me a dangerous radical to my Republican friends.
- I also know that the Democratic Party is a vast tepid poop farm where you have to choose which poop to make a government out of. I try to find the really hot poop. Hillary wasn’t hot enough.
- I know I have the Republicans in Iowa and Texas to thank for the gift of Donald Trump as president. I hope you Republicans and your new president will be very happy with each other. I know you deserve each other.
- I know that Ted Cruz is actually the Zodiac Killer… if by “actually” you mean in some impossible way he is metaphorically and comically the Zodiac Killer. It still sounds right to me though.
- I know there is no actual proof of aliens held prisoner in Area 51, but I believe in them anyway.
- I know that with six incurable diseases and being a cancer survivor I should never have reached 60, but here I am anyway.
- I know that Mickey Mouse loves Minnie, and Popeye loves Olive Oyl, but neither couple will ever get married. And that’s okay.
- I know that all people are naked under their clothes… but I try not to think about that too much. I blush far too easily.
- I know I will never write the Great American Novel I have somewhere inside me… but somebody will… someday… and then the world will end the next day.
- I know that smiling and laughing make you live longer than frowning and being mad, but it is really hard to say which way is harder to manage on a daily basis. I fear frowning is easier.
- I know that I cannot end this list on the number 13.
- I know that I have had many ups and downs in life, probably twice as many downs, but I have no regrets. I have done good things. I have been a good person. I hope I still am.
- I know I have passed 500 words and should probably shut up now.
“You know, Mickey, that none of these things are actually what you could call true wisdom, don’t you?”
“Oh, yes, but knowing that makes me wiser than most men.”