Ugly Bug Cars

My poor little pony has a broken leg… er… wheel.  I was told by insurance to get a rental car to drive while it is getting fixed… or maybe shot in the head, because that’s what they do with ponies that have broken legs.   They don’t want me driving it with a wobble-wheel that may fall off at any moment.  Of course, if the insurance is paying for it, they expect you to go as cheaply as possible.  That’s how I ended up driving this little white roller skate that somebody inflated with a bicycle pump.  Truly, I could’ve designed a sturdier and better-looking car using the old Ritz cracker boxes I build castles from, and some chocolate donuts on sticks for wheels.  The thing does NOT have a Rolls-Royce engine.  When  it starts, the engine makes a winding-up noise like, “brrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRAHP!” that after three minutes finally gives a little kick and shifts into second gear.  The squirrel that runs in the exercise wheel that makes the engine go is surely both spastic and epileptic.  It has seizures going around corners.  I do not imagine myself driving anywhere in it faster than 35 miles per hour.  In Dallas suburban traffic it is going to get me honked at a lot.  Not just your ordinary “Go-faster-stupid!” honks, but real, LOUD honks of impending doom piling up behind me.

Here you see it grinning its toothless fat grandpa-grin at me from the parking lot at Braums’ Ice Cream, the first place it successfully took me after getting it from Enterprise Rental Co.  It was obviously quite happy with itself.  My kids observed, while looking at it for the first time, that it has a smiley face on it that reminds you of a Japanese manga chibi character with little license-plate-gray Hitler mustache.  Let me see if I can enhance the effect so you can more clearly see what they meant;

I truly believe that I am going to have fun making fun of this goofy little car.