Stooges

borrowed from Wikipedia

borrowed from Wikipedia

Life is like a Three Stooges movie where I get to be Moe.  Yes, you heard me right.  I am the “smartest Stooge”.  And although a lot of the wacky plans my family carries out are my plans originally, I get more than my share of eye-pokes and head-slaps.

Financially I get more than my fair share of head-slaps.  My income has now been frozen in retirement mode for the remainder of my life.  I have to live three more years to get back all the money I paid into the pension plan for Texas teachers.  It is a better pension than teachers can earn now, but it is set up with standards from over two decades ago.  And, well, it is rather a difficult budget to manage when income is frozen and expenses are free to rise at will.  I just paid $45 for groceries at Walmart and got four sacks of edibles.  Seven cans of cheap-meal servings of chili and pork-n-beans (creating an alarming natural gas potential at our house), two cans of Pringles, 24 sodas in cans, two gallons of milk, Oscar Mayer salami, and some shampoo (hopefully we don’t have to eat the shampoo to avoid starving to death.  I remember a time when a similar stash for the pantry cost a mere $10.) The point is, Walmart is treating us like Stooges, in the same way Mr. Dimsell treats his Stooges while working in Dimsell’s Drug Store in the movie, The Three Stooges Meet Hercules.

The biggest point I am trying to make, I guess, is that I am at the bottom of Poop Mountain when it comes to the matter of finance and wealth.  (And poop not only rolls down hill, it avalanches down mountainsides.)  Right now the games that rich people and the Mr. Dimsells of the world play with money give us all sorts of head-slaps and eye-pokes.  Being able to own the whole drugstore is an unfair advantage.  Now that Dimsell is the only drugstore operator in the area, he can set prices as high as he pleases without worrying about losing Stooge business to other stores.  And he doesn’t have to treat his Stooges well, either.  He can be mean.  He can cut salaries and pensions in the secure knowledge that his Stooges will still have to come to him to spend their money no matter what.  More and more of the wealth goes into Dimsell’s pocket, and none comes out.  He is not compelled to share.  He doesn’t pay anything to fix the potholes in the streets outside his store.  He is, in fact given tax incentives just to be there and take our money.  So when my car needs repair because the pothole wheel-kicked my car to the point of needing repair, I will be forced to pay Dimsell to fix a problem that he allowed to poke me in the eye financially.  It is a real dumb deal, Porcupine.  (And yes, I know that drugstores don’t normally sell or repair tires, but Dimsell is a metaphor for Walmart, if you hadn’t figured it out by now.)

So, the only answer is to accidentally send myself back to the days of Hercules with a homemade time machine invented in the basement under the drugstore.  It will bring Dimsell to his knees and give him his just comeuppance.  And it will thoroughly prove I can carry metaphors and analogies way too far.

Minions are another form of Stooge... and I now have Kevin, Bob, and Stuart.

Minions are another form of Stooge… and I now have Kevin, Bob, and Stuart.

8 Comments

Filed under humor, photo paffoonies, Three Stooges

8 responses to “Stooges

  1. I have Florida teacher pension and now on social security things comfortable. Join and AARP drug plan. I think costs about $500 year and co-pays are dirt cheap and can get mail order. We have to be thankful as we are probably the last age group to be getting pensions. Public sector yes but private sector – those people are screwed.

    • Yes, I am grateful that I am old enough to get grandfather-claused when the Texas Republicans decided to screw over Texas teachers. With a State pension you can’t get social security in Texas. It is pension only. Teachers now have to pay more in and will get less back when they retire. We take it away from teachers in Texas because, you know, education is not nearly as important as corporate tax breaks for oil companies, especially the ones who are busy fracking up our water supply so you can burn tap water for heat in the Winter. Gotta love ’em for that.

      • WOW. No social security? So they don’t take out right? Does this mean you can’t get medicare ? In Florida we did not have to pay into pension. With 30 years it comes out to about half regular pay but cops and firemen get more and have to do only 20 years. I’m glad I never moved to Texas. But moved to NC in Jan and they have a state income tax here unlike Florida and then it cost me $400 for a license plate here instead of $43 in Florida.

      • We do get medicare which is another deduction from monthly wages. Texas has never been particularly “education friendly” but it has gotten worse during the Rick Perry Reign of Practically Forever. No State income tax in Texas, either… but that may change with oil prices going down. Nothing but the pain ever trickles down.

  2. My recommendation is if you find yourself at the bottom of Poop mountain, get the biggest umbrella you can find.

  3. Dimsell knows when cash is low and increases your credit limit. But their prices can’t be beat.

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