Damn Lies, White Lies, Stretchers, and Wild Hoo-Haws

Millis 2

There are limits to what people will believe.  No really, there are, I promise.  You can believe me because I’m a fiction writer, a story-teller, and I therefore tell lies all the time.  I was a teacher for thirty-one years, so I not only tell kids how wonderful they are in order to get good behavior and real learning out of them, but I have been told some of the most convoluted, inside-out, purple-in-the-face hoo-haws that are ever told anywhere in human culture throughout human history, and told them by a child with a straight face, perfectly seriously, and with little red horns holding up their crooked golden halos.  We are taught to misrepresent the truth from early childhood on.

“Do you have to go potty, sweetheart?”

“No, mommy, I jest like to dance.”

“Do you love me, Mortimer?  Or do you just want to get me alone in a car after the prom?”

“Oh, I love you, Alicia.  Really I do!”

“So are you in favor of taxing the oil companies at a fair and balanced rate, Senator, so we have more money to spend on Education and public works?”

“Why, I most certainly do, young voter.  Ignore that man with the “I Love Exxon” button trying to bash me over the head with that Tea Party campaign sign.  Let me kiss that darling little baby of yours.”


This post was inspired by all the lies told in the State of the Union speech last night by President O’Bama (He’s Irish and a conservative like Bill O’Reilly, isn’t he?)  Now, I am well aware of the white lies the President buttered our bread with.  The economy has actually improved, but not nearly as much as was claimed.  And not nearly enough for someone like me, a white male retired educator with significant health problems living in a Red State under Republican-Nazi governor/emperors who want to privatize education and spend my pension money on tax breaks for billionaires.  But those lies are nothing compared to the damn lies told by the Republican response lady, Ernst from Iowa.  She laid out a plan for undoing everything that’s been done to improve my life by the government since 2008.  The Affordable Care Act is to be repealed.  Tax breaks for “job creators” are going to be re-instituted.  We are going to heal the middle class by deregulating industry and predatory banks and by giving more benefits and goodies to the rich folks who will treat us better than those horrible Democratic liberals who want to turn us all into socialists.  This is coming from the Iowa Senator who won her seat by promising your average pork-eating Iowan to use her “hog-castrating skills” to motivate Democrats in congress to see things her way.  Iowans (of which I once was one of) know good fertilizer when they smell it.  It makes you want to shout, “Hoo-Haw!”  (Yes, it’s true, I once knew an old farm hand that, when he heard a ridiculously contorted lie, would shout “Hoo-Haw!” as a sort of derisive laughter to hear such a funny truth-twister.)

cudgels car

Lies are our way of life.  We lie about what we think.  We lie about what we feel.  We lie about how we view the world.  We lie about whether or not we tell lies.  Could we live a life without ever lying?  I hate to tell you this, but if I say, “yes”, then it might not be entirely truthful of me.


Filed under humor, Paffooney, politics

4 responses to “Damn Lies, White Lies, Stretchers, and Wild Hoo-Haws

  1. Ok, so tell me how you REALLY feel!!! I’m still “chewing on what Obama said” last night….Kind of disgusted with the whole lot of them and want some “new blood” in control of our “destiny”! Oh well……

    • I did mention that it was his speech that started me thinking about lies… I admit, being a former Iowan I am more embarrassed by Senator Joni Ernst of Iowa… and being a current Texan, Senator Ted “Clown-boy” Cruz… but all of them seem more determined to make me poorer than make me pleased. How do you tell if a politician is lying? Is he or she talking? And how do you tell if they are thinking about lying? Are she or he breathing?

  2. Gotta be honest with you…I actually voted for the man and steadfastly got behind him with this “insurance for all” stick…I actually got involved with “OBAMA CARE” from the beginning because I believe that as human beings we ALL deserve to have access to healthcare. I never thought that it would raise my insurance premiums so much that it takes most of my meager retirement check! My partner now pays TRIPLE for insurance that’s basically “catastrophic insurance”. Am I pleased? No, of course not! I’m so, so disappointed….so, so disappointed. At the same time, however, I FIRMLY believe we can not ignore the state of the health insurance situation BEFORE Obama-Care….We need/needed something…Just not so sure that this was the answer. As far as “making us poorer”???? Don’t even start me on that little topic. As an “older woman” in the work force my very able, intelligent partner is working for wages that she recieved in the 80’s with NO HEALTH INSURANCE or benefits!!!! I can’t, however, and will not allow these “elected representatives” to rob me of my day to day happiness, so I “do what I can do” and “turn the rest over to God”, ‘cuz otherwise, I’d lose what’s left of my “little mind”! 🙂

  3. 🙂 I feel your pain. Healthcare expenses caused me to dip into my retirement savings today, and I just recently found out that my heart is actually healthy. The tests I went through merely proved that my health problem was not a heart problem. But I know what you mean about not letting the clowns and monkeys take my joy. That is part of why I started writing humorous novels for Young Adults… and why I write this goofy little bloggie-thingy. “Against the assault of laughter… nothing can stand.” – Mark Twain. 🙂

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