I’m trying to self promote without really appearing to self promote. Honestly, they tell me that blogging to promote my books is something you should just do and have fun doing. So that’s what I’m doing. Just to be funny I am making fun of myself for advertising my self. Isn’t that a gas? Isn’t it?
Blog Archives
Post No Ads Here! No, really! This is NOT an Advertisement… this is ART.
May 31, 2014 · 10:46 pm
Snow Babies Explained
I hope to soon be able to publish my newest novel, Snow Babies, with PDMI Publishing,
In that book, I tell the story of a blizzard descending on a small town with the intent to kill. Within the storm are a group of snow spirits who come to collect the frozen dead. They take the form of naked children, completely white. They collect the souls of people who die in the blizzard, and those frozen casualties become snow babies themselves. They operate somewhat like banshees in that, when someone sees one, it means that someone is going to die, or at least have a near-death experience. Snow Babies are not malevolent… not evil… but they don’t spare the good either. So the key question in the story… Who will die? And more importantly… who will live?
May 30, 2014 · 1:42 am
Toy Story Pez Dispensers
Yes, I am definitely abnormal when it comes to collecting junk. This particular obsessive collecting behavior seized upon these Pez dispensers who all come from the Pixar movie Toy Story Two. Did I really have to get all seven? From seven different trips to the store? Yes. It was life or death. Especially since they only cost a dollar and a half, and I only have to risk diabetic coma from Pez candy. I’m not a fool. I gave the candy to my non-diabetic kids.
May 29, 2014 · 12:44 am
The Red Haired Girl Says Goodbye
Katherine was in my Reading Class for two of the last three years. She was never a hard worker, but always really well behaved and generally a joy to be around. Today, she saw me in the hallway, doing my before-class get-to-class-and-hurry-up duties.
“I heard you are not going to teach any more after this year,” she said.
“Yes,” I said, “After thirty years, I have had all the teaching I need.”
Her brown eyes grew big and sad like a puppy’s. “We’re gonna miss you.”
“We really are,” said Barbra, one of her two friends.
“I need to give you a hug,” she said.
I hugged her gingerly, always conscious of the dangers of touching a student. But there was no hint of the inappropriate kind of love. Only a student saying goodbye to a teacher who meant a little bit more to her than other teachers. And it touched my heart. I figure I have touched the lives of more than two thousand five hundred. That’s two thousand five hundred at least that have taken a little bit of my life and touched me. And this one said, “I’ll come to your classroom and visit you before the year is over.” I’m going to miss her. I’m going to miss her times 2,500.
May 28, 2014 · 1:08 am
Pictures on the Door
In order to make postable Paffooneys, I had to find a way to turn drawings into digital photos without buying a larger and more expensive scanner. My creative solution to the problem has been to tack the drawings up to my white bedroom door next to the lamp and photograph them with a digital camera. The only problem, how to get rid of glare off slick colored pencil surfaces and still have enough light to get a photo with good strong color. I keep fiddling with camera settings, and some of the more atrocious failed experiments have debuted here on this blog. Since it is supposed to be humor, I hope you find my failures laughable rather than nauseating, but rest assured, Pepto-Bismol works.
May 26, 2014 · 9:18 pm
The Enchanted Barbarian
This Paffooney is more Dungeons and Dragons nonsense. Back in the early eighties, when elves swarmed over the free lands of Castle Gansdorf, one of the most intriguing adventurers there was the barbarian warrior with no name. He never spoke. He was apparently mute, but that was never proven. He bailed the adventurers out of trouble after trouble, helping to defeat the Black Wizard… Assisting Sir Hogan the noble knight in the conquest and settlement of Castle Tol Arriseah… Locating the hidden ruins of Starnor and revealing the werebear prince who was destined to rule there when the ancient kingdom was reborn… As it turned out, he was not even human. He was an enchanted great sword named “Ral K’uth Fey” and given man-like form by the grizzled wizard Gristhane. Oh, I could spin a yarn back then. We slaughtered armies, conquered castles, and built kingdoms all on the living room floor. I have to admit, though, I sometimes had to cheat on the dice rolls in favor of the story turning out right.
May 22, 2014 · 11:28 pm
Melodrama
This old colored pencil Paffooney once won a blue ribbon at the Art Contest at the Wright County Fair in Eagle Grove, Iowa… back in the 1970’s. Sergeant Peppercorn and his Native American sidekick, Wampum Boy, have tracked down the evil Handsome Harry Hardtack to save Blondie Goodnight from being tied to a railroad track. Don’t heroes always arrive in the nick of time to save the day?
May 18, 2014 · 2:22 am
Escheresque Snakes and Ladders
I can always dig up an old drawing or two. This one got me an A in Drawing 202 at Iowa State University. Does it fulfill the assignment? Probably not, but I snowed the instructor into thinking I was creative and knew how to draw optical illusions. I obviously don’t know how to photograph pencil drawings… and this is too big for the scanner. But this is Snakes and Ladders, with bugs and boobs and banana-men. Too goofy for words.
May 17, 2014 · 1:37 am
Matai Shang
He was an eight-foot-tall giant with huge muscles and an Ogre’s face. He was a powerful sorcerer and warrior. He stole and adopted the Dark Child of Quran, a little green Cymrillian girl with a huge capacity for future magical power. His giantess girlfriend was a polymorphed half-dragon. His kingdom was made up of conquered cities and rebuilt ruins. Of course, he only existed in a dungeons and dragons campaign set in Talislanta. He lived only in the minds of the dungeon master and the boys in the game. His human player went on to serve in the marines in intelligence.
May 16, 2014 · 1:36 am
Creepy Times, the Second Chapter
As a teacher, you always have to wonder who is pulling your strings, who is the puppet master? It is usually a principal, but today I think it was a colleague. She dumped another monster assignment on me. Individual test score conferences with all our ESL 10th and 11th grade students. They are taking my classroom away from me tomorrow, so I have no place to do the work, nor sufficient time. I apparently get half of the ninth graders too. Then I will called on the carpet if I don’t get this done soon… preferably tomorrow. This from a woman who has no classes to teach and no job beyond paperwork. Why can’t she do all of this extra work? She has the time and an available office. Another of the many reasons I am retiring in June. I love teaching, but nobody lets me do it any more… at least, not the right way.
May 15, 2014 · 1:54 am
Catch a Falling Star 