Well, being in the hospital with heart monitoring machines is not the way I wanted to start the holiday season. But I didn’t have a heart attack after all. And it gives me fiction fuel for the future.
The Current Cartoon Administration…
I don’t need to tell you what I really think about Trump, because I don’t use language that bad in public, and because cartoons capture what I think better than anything else does (except maybe the Mueller investigation… hopefully that captures Trump’s antics better.
It is really hard to believe all the fascist Shiite that is going on.
Filed under angry rant, cartoon review, cartoons, feeling sorry for myself, humor, politics
Now on Amazon
For this holiday I am thankful for the chance to break into print. My best novel to date is now available in Kindle E-book and paperback versions. I have a lot more to say in the near future about the ever-changing nightmare world of publishing, but for now, I am happy. And I will be even happier if you read my book.
Filed under announcement
Snow Babies at Last!
I tested out Kindle Direct Publishing through Amazon and will soon have the best book I have ever written out in paperback and e-book forms. I had a contract to publish this with PDMI Publishing and then the publishing company died before my book was actually in print. I tested out KDP with Stardusters and Space Lizards. I can now hold a copy of that book in my hands. That went OK and I learned how to make the next book better. So be looking for an announcement soon that it is for sale on Amazon.
Filed under announcement, Uncategorized
My Precious Things
The dawn tomorrow is a hoped-for event, not a promise, not a guarantee. For some it will not come again. But that is what life is for, to be lived. You must find the value in living and wallow in it while it is yours, and you must measure it not by the world’s measuring stick, but your own.
Looking at it mathematically with only the cold hard facts, my life has come to very little. After teaching for parts of four decades, I was forced by ill health to retire from the job I loved. As it will in this country where profits for corporations are more important than people’s lives, my personal fortune, that horde of wealth that is allotted for public servants like teachers, was absorbed by the health care and pharmaceutical industry, and health insurers managed to get away with paying out less than I put in through premiums for a lifetime. After having to pay for the removal of the pool, and after having to go into bankruptcy because Bank of America decided to sue me instead of help in my debt resolution, I really have nothing left. And if we can’t pay the property taxes that keep going up because the State is continually reducing funds to public schools, we may eventually lose the house. Broke and homeless. But they cannot take away my precious things. It simply isn’t possible.
I saw a woman and her two kids getting breakfast at QT this morning. The kids, a boy and a girl, were both wearing jackets and pajama pants. They were both cute, and happy, and speaking Korean to each other. And I realized after smiling at them with my goofy old coot grin, that I am not prejudiced in any way when it comes to other people. They were Asian. I notice details. But that was an afterthought. It really wouldn’t have mattered if they were black, white, purple, brown, or yellow. (Though I have to admit I might’ve been slightly more fascinated by purple.) Not being prejudiced is a precious thing. It comes from a lifetime of working with kids of all kinds, and learning to love them while you’re trying to teach them to also have no prejudices.
And, of course, I still have my family. I was a professional when it came to talking to kids, so I applied those professional skills to my own family as well. I actually talk to my kids, and know them pretty well. They have learned to draw and paint and tell stories from me, and may one day be better at it than I am. They are musical and play instruments… and, hey! Maybe we could form a family band! All of those are also precious things. Let’s see Bank of America try to take those things away from me.
And it may have occurred to you by this point why I am thinking about precious things and using pictures of my sister’s favorite TV show from the 70’s. We just lost a singer and actor from that show whose music meant a lot to my family once, and always will.
And he was not a lot older than me. And his life was not easy either. But he lived with music in his heart and artistry in his soul. David, you will be missed. But your precious things still benefit us. And some of us will probably be seeing you again soon to thank you yet again.
Aeroquest… Adagio 2 – Nebulons
Adagio 2 – Nebulons
I am one of the few Scientist/Historians ever to make a thorough examination of Nebulon physiology and culture. It helped that I lived with some of them for a while, even helping to raise a couple of very young ones. And unlike the cross-bred lizard-Russian-Galtorrian-Human idiots who were the superior authority and dominant race of the Galtorr Imperium, I didn’t try to belittle them as mere “Space Smurfs” and take their existence as a joke. As a participant in the destruction of the Galtorr Imperium and the rise of the New Star League, I, Googol Marou, can speak with some authority on the subject of Nebulons.
Suffice it to say, the present shape of the Milky Way Civilization in the Orion Spur owes much to the nature of Space Smurfs. They were critical to the Imperial defeat and the unification of the New Stars. You will see more of that in this history, well, unless I inadvertently forget to tell you that part. I have been known to get a bit absent-minded when my mind is on superior matters of science, or the baking of pies. But I have to admit to my great shame, that I, like most Imperials, was prejudiced against the Nebulons at the start. We thought them in many ways inferior because of their living technologies and small stature. What we didn’t realize is that their neotyny, their child-like physical make-up, was evidence that they were indeed more advanced than we in an evolutionary sense. They were also environmentally friendly, living in symbiotic peace with their living technology. Instead of exploiting worlds, as the humans and Galtorrians had done, they created new living environments.
Now, my genetic inquiries proved that Nebulons were practically identical to Earthers. They were capable of interbreeding with us without genetic manipulations. That makes them more like us than a Galtorrian, even a crossbred Galtorrian/Human fusion. They also possessed a few advantages we didn’t have. The copper-sulfate-based pigments in their skins were originally caused by diet and exposure to nebula radiation. It gave them immunity to radiation that was deadly to any other humanoid. The bright yellow hair was apparently also due to exotic radiation exposure over centuries. I formed a theory that Nebulons may have originated on Earth and evolved as they explored deep space, beyond the known stars of the Thousand Worlds.
Now, as to their culture, they center it around living organisms that function symbiotically. Their spaceships are the Great Nebula Space Whales, those strange fish-shaped balloon-beings that apparently bred in the depths of mighty gas giant planets and migrated to the gaseous clouds of nebula space. They are much the same size as an Imperial Dreadnaught, and can easily support 500,000 Nebulons in their oxygenated inner chambers. They even have spaces in their heads where the Nebulon pilots can live and function, tickling nerve endings to get the space behemoths to fold space and jump light years in an instant. Manipulating jump space is the same whether you do it with a massive photon drive, or the natural glands of a space whale. It is a matter of using gravity to fold space at a weak point in the fabric of space, making a worm-hole to another part of space, usually no more than six parsecs distant (for those who are math-challenged, that means about nineteen and a half light years), and coming out of jump space at the end of a spider web-like trail that litters space with the cobwebs of interstellar travel.
Nebulons also make clothing of living tissue that keeps the body it surrounds at the proper temperature, and absorbs and digests all dirt, sweat, and dead skin cells. Nebulon clothing is self-cleaning! It also grows with the young to avoid the need for ever changing it. I can’t wear Nebulon cloth without cringing, because I know what it really is, but I am told that if you get used to it, it is like a perfect second skin.
Nebulons exhibit a child-like love for life, treasuring each others’ presence and having fun almost all the time. I have come to find them truly endearing. They rarely go to war with each other, and have to be seriously goaded into fighting by any potential enemy. It turns out that it is a sad thing that we can’t all be more like Nebulons. And to think we wasted all those centuries despising them for their differences!
Sequel + Mania = Sequelania
I hate to spring another portmanteau word on you so soon after the atrocity that was “Hypocrasisyphus”, but I have been seriously putting things together that do not belong together. For example, I have been binge-watching two Netflix series; Stranger Things 2 and The Punisher. Stranger Things 2 is the sequel to the Duffer Brothers’ hit last year, Stranger Things, and The Punisher is the return of a surprise breakout role for Jon Bernthal as the violent vigilante anti-hero, Punisher, from Daredevil, Season 2. 
I love the 80’s monster movie thing that is called Stranger Things mostly because of the kids. I mean, the most important protagonists in the story are the gang of Dragon’s Lair-playing kids that are so like the gang of kids I taught and played games with in the 80’s. They have the same cohesion and feel as the kids gangs in Steven Spielberg movies like the Goonies and E.T. They are the real heroes of the story who actually do the most to defeat the monsters they face from a looming evil dimension on the verge of taking over our world after taking over the body and soul of my relative, Will Byers, one of the gang.
I won’t spend much more effort describing that one, since I wrote about Stranger Things 2 in a previous post. Instead, I want to connect it to my most recent binge, The Punisher. As I said before, these two series have absolutely no relationship to each other beyond one nutty retired school teacher bingeing on and loving them both.
The Punisher is about war, violence, the trauma that those things create, and putting the shattered pieces of lives, families, and psyches back together again in a way that resembles making scrambled eggs from Humpty Dumpty.
The main character, Frank Castle, has been a special forces soldier with a talent for violence and a reasonable code of honor developed to combat unreasonable malevolence.
He has come home from war after having been a part of a covert, CIA assassination squad that has done terrible things, in fact, things more terrible than even the soldiers themselves realize.
The result being, somewhere along the way, a toxic secret has gotten out. Castle’s wife and two children are targeted and killed while Castle himself survives. He seeks to put himself back together like the King’s men attempt to do with Humpty Dumpty, through revenge, and killing the people who killed his family, and the people who were part of the plot behind it. Through two series he murders, assassinates, and otherwise exterminates bad guys, drug dealers, rogue agents, and others who have betrayed him in multiple ways.
But as mind-numbing and stomach-turning as the violence is, the story is about family. The family that Castle lost. And the family of the Edward Snowden-like character, Micro, who are still alive, but only because the NSA spook Micro is thought to be dead when he actually is alive and working against the same villains who killed Castle’s family.
And there are just enough scenes with family and guitar-playing moments of insight to convince us that Castle would’ve been a pretty great dad, if only he had been given the chance, thus amplifying the tragedy a hundred fold. Aha! There’s the unlikely link. The two things are both about the struggle to raise kids in a dark and dangerous world. I knew if I just twisted the puzzle pieces hard enough, I could make them fit together.
Making Characters for Traveller
When I started playing the role-playing game Traveller with a group of middle school students, one of the first challenges to overcome was the creation of original characters and interesting new stories. You can only play for so long with characters named Solo, Skywalker, and Vader. Then, you must get creative.
What I am going to show you today are a passel of characters so creative, lame, and craptastic, that you will probably forever after have pity on those poor kids who chose to play the game with me.
Harry Scipio Strontium 90 was a space detective. He and his assistant, the dwarf Quark, were necessary to the game because player characters had a tendency to kill people, aliens, and destroy planets, routinely misusing the biggest and baddest weapons in the equipment handbook. He relentlessly pursued player characters and villains across space and time.
The Geomancer was a deep space explorer who mysteriously never took off his space suit. He bailed characters out of trouble when they invariably got marooned on airless asteroids, lost in dead space with no fuel for the starship, or imprisoned by cannibal plant people on an unexplored world. In the end, it turned out that his mysterious space suit was actually empty, containing only gas and radiation, and possibly an alien spirit-entity.
Mantis was actually a player character. The son of the high school science teacher was one of my most dedicated game players. He decided that he had to have an evil player character. He said to me, “Mr. B, we will make him secretly evil so that he does things that take the party into danger and betray them without their knowing. It will be fun as they try to figure out how to save themselves.” Now, Mantis was an alien super-scientist who had a very big head and small body, so he removed his own head and connected it to a large robotic body. He stood imposingly taller than all the other characters at eight and a half feet tall. His evil plots were initially rather lame and easily defeated. It didn’t take the players long to figure out that he was working against them, and he spent a considerable amount of time as a detached living head on the starship’s auxiliary control panel. He went through various penances and punishments, ultimately avoiding being flushed into space through the space toilet.
Susano initially started out as Mantis’ evil experiment. He was an enhanced clone with super powers and wings. He was super charming and likeable, but supposed to further Mantis’ evil agenda. They began to plot the take-over of entire planets like Djinnistan and Vilis. But the longer the game went on, the more he became a son to Mantis, and the more he influenced his scientist father to use his abilities for good. They would eventually help a band of rogues create a New Star League out of the ashes of the Third Imperium. Teacher’s kids are often the biggest pains in a classroom, but that tends to be because they know all the teacher tricks already and are invariably more creative than the average classroom clown. The last I heard from Mantis’ creator, he was an electrical engineer in Austin, Texas, and probably busy secretly planning to take over the world. Though hopefully he didn’t remove his own head as a first step.
That is only a small sampling of the characters we created for Traveller, but at more than 500 words already, I need to be saving the rest for another day.
Filed under characters, Dungeons and Dragons, heroes, Paffooney, science fiction, villains
Nappy Berfday, Mickey!
Mickey, you iz now Sixtity-Won. You iz lookin’ kinder old an tired. Mebbe you iz needin’ to take a nap!’
I am indeed 61 today. I was born in a blizzard in Mason City Iowa’s Mercy Hospital on a cold November night when Ike was the president. I saw the Beatles on the Ed Sullivan Show on Grandpa and Grandma Aldrich’s black and white TV in the 1960’s. I also saw John Kennedy’s funeral procession in 1963 on the same TV. I saw the first man to step on the Moon in the Summer of 1969 on our old Motorola black and white TV at home in Rowan, Iowa even though we had to basically stay up all night to do it. Practically no one I knew got any sleep at all that night. I started seventh grade that fall. The first time I ever kissed a girl was behind the Rowan Grade School building. I won’t embarrass her by telling you her name. I think she avoided me for the rest of the time we were in school, and maybe even hated me. But I still remember her fondly even though that whole thing did not go as planned.
This isn’t her.
I played football for the Belmond Broncos in high school. I got my brains knocked out as a sophomore and quit football my junior year. I fell short of earning a letter jacket by one year’s worth of sports participation. I graduated in 1975. We had an outdoor ceremony planned for graduation. As I walking Julie F. out to the football stadium in our caps and gowns (paired by height… what can I say? I was short.) it started to rain. Not mere sprinkles, but a downpour, a run-for-your-life, drown-your-uncle-under-the-bleachers sort of downpour. We had to shift the ceremony to the auditorium. My grand parents had to watch on a video feed in the library with all the other soaked relatives. Our parents smelled like a herd of wet cats in the auditorium.
This isn’t her either.
I went to Iowa State University (Cow College, so named for the beauty of the women there) in the middle seventies. I got to draw seven different naked women there. (It was an anatomy drawing class and I also had to draw naked young men, though I think there were less of them, but I wasn’t keeping count). I voted for the first time, helping to elect Jimmy Carter as President in 1976. At the bicentennial parade in Rowan, the first girl I ever kissed was on the other side of the street, but somehow our eyes never met. In 1979 I graduated with honors and a degree in English. Rather than becoming an unemployable bum, I went to graduate school in Iowa City at the University of Iowa. I drew a couple more nude women there and got a remedial Master’s degree in English Education along with a teaching certificate.
My parents moved to Texas while I was in Iowa City. I found out where they moved to near Austin, and went to get a teaching job in Texas.
Ruben, Fabian, Javier, Emmit, Sonia, and Teresa, in case you were wondering.
I found a job teaching 8th graders in Cotulla, Texas. I had my life threatened once the first year and nearly quit. I decided I would not leave in defeat. So I stuck it out and taught there for 23 years. I was teaching the day we learned the Challenger blew up and NASA killed the first teacher in space. I was also teaching there the day we found out about the events of 9-11. But not everything about teaching was a disaster. I learned an awful lot. I fell in love with a lot of students (but only in the legal sense). I shared my love of Mark Twain, William Shakespeare, and the writing process with them. At least one or two of them actually listened during 31 years of teaching.
I got married to another teacher in 1995. My oldest son was born later that year. All three of my kids were born while we were teaching in Cotulla.
We moved to the Dallas area in 2004. I lost my first city teaching job because the Wicked Witch of Creek Valley wanted to protect education from fools like me. (I was rated as a master teacher both before and after that year by many different principals. That year I got zeros on my evaluation from only one principal. I must have only been stupid and incompetent for one year.) I went on to teach Reading and then English to English Language Learners in high school in the Garland district until I retired in 2014.
Now I am a writer and an Uber driver, neither of which conditions has proven to be fatal so far. So, I guess, in 61 years of life I have managed to earn every gray hair on my head. I have lived a good life. Robin Williams only got 61 years of life. I can’t claim to deserve more than him. But if it all ends tomorrow, I have no regrets. Happy birthday to me.
“Nappy berfday! Old Mickey! You iz reelie, reelie old! And der storry of yer life iz reelie, reelie boooring!”
Sorry. I guess I’ll have to do better in the next life.
Filed under artwork, autobiography, humor, Paffooney
I Love to Laugh
“Mickey, why can’t you be more serious the way smart people are?”
“Well, now, my dear, I think I take humor very seriously.”
“How can you say that? You never seem to be serious for more than a few seconds in a row.”
“I can say it in a high, squeaky, falsetto voice so I sound like Mickey Mouse.”
“You know that’s not what I mean.”
“I can also burp it… well, maybe not so much since I was in junior high.”
“I distinctly remember getting in trouble in Mrs. Mennenga’s third grade class in school for pantomiming pulling my beating heart out of my chest and accidentally dropping it on the floor. She lectured me about being more studious. But I made Alicia sitting in the row beside me laugh. It was all worth it. And the teacher was right. I don’t remember anything from the lesson on adding fractions we were supposed to be doing. But I remember that laugh. It is one precious piece of the golden treasure I put in the treasure chest of memories I keep stored in my heart.”
“I always listened to the words Groucho Marx was saying, even though he said them awfully fast and sneaky-like. I listened to the words. Other characters didn’t seem to listen to him. He didn’t seem to listen to them. Yet, how could he respond like he did if he really wasn’t listening? In his answers were always golden bits of wisdom. Other people laughed at his jokes when the laugh track told them to. I laughed when I understood the wisdom.”
“Laughing is a way of showing understanding. Laughing is a way of making yourself feel good. Laughing is good for your brain and your heart and your soul. So, I want to laugh more. I need to laugh more. I love to laugh.”
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Filed under autobiography, comedians, commentary, goofiness, goofy thoughts, humor, irony, Paffooney, strange and wonderful ideas about life, wisdom
Tagged as Ed Wynn, Groucho Marx, Moe Howard