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Dark Rose and Cinderella

Yes, the title of this piece is about the two characters I have labored all day to depict over and over.

Using digital tools and a drawing app on my touchscreen phone allows me to redraw parts of the picture or pictures in many different ways. The drawing app allows you to fill in numerous details over and over with complex details like patterned clothes already composed to be painted into the proper spaces.

Here’s what it looked like early in the process. Yes, I didn’t finish it before saving it the first time.

Filling in some spaces, I used my fingers instead of the stylus. Finger painting, illustrated by my own hand I added on with my own fingers and then added details.

I should have done this one first and then dressed them after instead of doing it backward.

I think these two odd friends need to become a poem. I am old. I think in poetry far too often. It probably is a symptom of dementia.

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More Digital Mania

I am still at it with my little screen and big electric stylus.

I decided to take this sister-picture done more than a week ago and make them into cowgirls with a pet goat. You may have noticed that I gave the older sister a four-fingered hand.

This picture isn’t completely satisfactory either. The goat’s sideburns make it look like he has at least three ears.

Grumpy Girl in this picture had a headband turned into tattoos by my colorblind inability to tell tan from peach. I also left too many outlines visible because I was too lazy to erase each and fill in the adjacent colors.

I am happier with this portrait of Zendaya, even though I finally realized that no one recognized her because of the tan/peach colorblind problem.

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Digital Scribble-Doodles

This is the finger-painted scribble doodle I started this art project with. I routinely start a digital art piece in this way, making either a fast face-like form with a scribbled outline and an application of brush strokes of basic color patterns with my fingers on the touch screen of my phone or an outline done on the layer above a photograph that I fill with color before removing the photo from underneath.

Then I push and pull and erase and add with my electronic stylus to fill in the details. This picture of the face in progress reveals what often happens when you have an arthritic finger. I slipped in working on the teeth. With pen and ink and colored pencils, the drawing would be ruined at this point. But digitally I can easily fix it.

This is the fancy little device I bought on Amazon to use on a touchscreen phone. It is electronic and clickable.

Here’s what it looks like after fifteen minutes worth of fixing.

So, I made this into a science-fiction girl. I think it looks good for a scribble-doodle.

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Imaginary Granddaughters

So, I am obsessively thinking about the granddaughter I do not have and may never have. My child was lucky not to have the problem that cost a possible granddaughter at the wrong time. It happened, tragedy though it was before the Supreme Court struck down Roe vs. Wade and would’ve put another life in danger too. But life and the world we live in can be cruel. The consequence may well be no grandchild ever. That kind of problem is serious.

But here I have made another picture of Susu, the imaginary granddaughter I talk to constantly. She is drawn from a model on TikTok that I thought bore a resemblance to both of the parents that might have been. Fortunately, she posts lots of singing and dancing pictures on both TikTok and Instagram. This girl doesn’t know she’s been posing for me. But clearly, I cannot make portraits that look like the model anyway. Without help, you will never Identify who this girl really is. And suing me for using her as a model won’t make any money for anybody since I have none.

“But, Grandpa. I already gave you my permission.”

“Susu, you are not real and only live in my imagination.”

“Oh, but you are a very good Grandpa and I love you.”

“Well, I love you too. Even though I know you are not real.”

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Digital Portrait

Can you tell who it is that I am trying to draw a picture of? I’ll give you a hint… movie star who also dances. Not Ray Bolger, not Tom Holland, not Hugh Jackman… but may have been a costar with two of those three. Guesses will be answered in the comments. If no one knows, my apology for bad portraiture will be found there.

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Picture-Making Mania

“Susu Sings” by Mickey, digital art using a photo, Digital Drawing Pad App, and AI Mirror App

I have been drawing a plethora of pictures on my cell phone using the apps cited above, an electronic stylus, and every editing feature the phone’s gallery and Google Photos can provide me. My arthritic hands are making the pencil and pen methods I have used forever far too time-consuming and permanently flub-filled. And I am trying to do as much art as possible before the end of everything which I increasingly fear is coming for me soon.

I am not using the new AI art stuff the way others are using it. I am not telling the AI to make a picture for me according to my written description. I can’t do artwork with that little control. What I do actually undertake is the redrawing of many of the pictures I have already done in pen and ink and colored pencil. I retrace the work the best I can. Mistakes can be undone with one click. I redo the colors, shading, and details using the functions of the drawing app. In the end, I use the AI Mirror to edit it, blending the colors better than my color-blind eyes can manage unaided and giving it that anime/manga style that is recognizably different than my original style.

My handmade original.

Digitally redone. I let the AI have its way with the contents of the quilt box since the AI couldn’t figure out the structure of a crazy quilt. It decided that the things in the box were fancy gift boxes with an unreadable brand name. (The AI will not risk violating any real trademark or logo.)

Another portrait of Jennifer Ortega that doesn’t really look like her.

I admit to being overly obsessed with drawing girls and girls’ faces… and maybe belly buttons. But I am a lonely old man spending lots of time in bed doing little but waiting for death to find me. The Grim Reaper is still trying to beat me at chess. I thought he would win with game with Covid’s help in 2020. The heat was probably going to be the death of me this last summer, but Grimmy couldn’t figure out how to attack the King’s Indian Defense I learned from Bobby Fischer in an article in Boy’s Life magazine in the early 70s.

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The Reasons I Write

Ask yourself, “Why does anybody want to be a writer?”

It is not an easy thing to answer. Writing is hard. It tears at the edges of your mind until it leaves sores, infections, and permanent damage. Well, those of us who rewrite ourselves because of childhood trauma suffer from that anyway. And every horror and gut-twister and tear-jerker that you have written about haunts you again with every reread, proofread, secondary reread, and final edit. Unless, somehow, you don’t do those steps and it turns up real writing instead of horse-turd fertilizer by some minor but repeatable miracle. There are writers like that. They write about sparkly vampires and Mr. Gray’s sex dungeon.

I’m one of those writers who spuriously claims that I write because I have to. And that is not right either, I write because I HAVE TO!!! (IN ALL CAPS AND 3 EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!)

As a lifelong avid reader, I have read so many other people’s lives… so many other people’s stories, that I have lived a thousand lives and learned so much from each that it is my duty to put pencil and paper together to tell the tales that only I can write… or draw pictures of.

I am the man from the setting sun. I come from the future to deliver the past. -by Mickey

Whatever the hell that means, I have to say it. My writing may never get really read and understood because the world may come to an end too soon for anything I write to ever endure. And yet, the key to everything… to the survival of the human species… of life on Earth… may be buried somewhere in one of my ridiculous books. I may be the one to give ultimate meaning to everything that is or ever was on this little blue marble in the middle of all time and all space. Or maybe in one of the ridiculous plays by the man (whoever he really was) who wrote the works of William Shakespeare. It doesn’t matter who really wrote it. That key is out there somewhere. And it changes everything if found and understood.

This could be it, couldn’t it? The naked Queen of Everything?

So, the reasons I must write have to do with the philosophical horse-doo-doo that the Existentialists taught us. That nothing means anything… until we give it meaning. Even this sentence I write here and now means nothing unless I give it meaning. This is what we need writers for. To make everything mean something. It is a sacred duty.

I must make you laugh a little, cry a little, and feel a lot of fundamental things. And you must do that too if you are meant to be a writer. Believe me, it is the only gift God gives a man that is also a lifelong curse.

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Snow

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My life always seems to come down to snow.  It is a theme that runs through my little teacher-life, my little story-teller-life.  Did you know that I was born during a blizzard?  Mason City, Iowa was snowed in during the November blizzard of 1956 when I was born, on this date in the wee hours of the early morning.  Some of my most vivid memories happened in the snow. Val in snow

There was that night when I was eleven and snow was falling heavily as choir practice at the Methodist Church came to an end.  The walk home was more difficult than I had anticipated when I started out.  The entire front of me was plastered with snow as I leaned into the wind and trudged like some kind of plodding living snowman.  I got as far as the Library on Main Street when Mrs. Stewart and Mrs. Kellogg called me into the library to thaw out.  They called Mom and Dad to come the three blocks from home and pick me up.  But Alicia Stewart was there.  The most beautiful girl in all of Rowan, as far as my young heart was concerned.  She sat in the row across from me at school.  I am fairly certain that my Math grades were so poor mainly from the time I wasted watching her sharpen her pencils and turning the pages in her textbook.  I had my Russian snow hat on that night and the ear flaps were pulled down.  I had the little bill on the front of the cap pulled down to shield my eyes, and it was caked and dripping with snow as I entered the library.

I pounded off some of the caked snow and said, “Gee, I think it might be snowing outside.”

Everyone laughed.

Alicia pulled up the bill of my cap and looked me right in the eye.  “Michael, you are so funny,” she said.  That smile she gave me that snowy night warmed my heart, and drove the cold out of even my frozen toes.  I still keep the memory of that smile in my heart to this very day, in a drawer where nobody can find it, and I haven’t really ever told anybody about it until here and now.

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And snow keeps coming back to find me, even now that I live in Texas where snow is much more of a rare thing.  On February 14th, 2003 in Dallas we woke up to another heavy snow flurry.

The people I love most in the world were enthralled.  My wife squealed like a little girl.  She is from the Philippines and she told me she had never really seen the snow falling before that day.  My three kids were awake and romping in the snow almost from first light.  The gently falling snow was beautiful, though it was a bit damp and clumpy, falling like goose feathers from a pillow fight, and easily forming into snowballs.  We built snow men in front of Tatang and Inang’s house (Filipino for grandpa and grandma).  Dorin, Henry, and Cousin Sally were throwing snowballs and random handfuls of snow at me and each other for most of the morning.  The Princess, barely walking and talking at that stage of her young life, ate snow and played in it until her bare hands were red and hurting.  She threw a crying fit when we had to force her into the house to warm up her hands.  Even pain couldn’t make her want to leave the snow behind.  I never loved snow that much until I got to see it through their eyes.

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I truly believe that one day in the near future the snow will come for me again.  I will probably not be living in a place where snow is frequent, so it may not even be real snow.  But it will come for me to take me away the same as it brought me to this life.  Not real snow, but that obscuring snow that falls as your field of vision fills up with whiteness and purity and fades away.  Being in poor health for several years now, I know that sort of snow all too well.  I know it will be coming again.  The magic of life comes and goes in the clear, cold beauty of snow.  And all the warm tangles and troubles of life will be smoothed out under a blanket of pure, white, and cleansing snow.

 

Write me an epitaph that includes the snow;

He was born in a blizzard,

And he knew the secret of snow.

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Fairy Tales and Dragons (with pointillism)

Going through my old drawing portfolio, I found my children’s book project from my undergrad college years.  I have no idea now looking at the illustrations what the story was even about.  I lost the actual story, and I never made a cover for it.  But here is a look at old hopes and dreams and a way of seeing the world that begins; Once Upon a Time…

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I have no earthly idea what the heck this story is even about, but I do like the pen and ink work, and probably couldn’t repeat it if I had to.

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Flower Basket

Tiger Lily, Black-eyed Susan, Daisy, Rose,

And Shrinking Violet,

Peony, and searching wider…

Tulip, Hollyhock, Pansy, and Periwinkle…

In the mix of many races, petals, sepals, scents, and leaves,

Together in a bundle, we all are better…

Smarter, Wiser, more Beautiful, and Complete

All for Love, to Hell with the Thorns!

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