I Am Not Happy… Nor Have I Ever Been

Both my father and my mother-in-law passed away on my birthday. My father in 2020 and my mother-in-law this past Sunday. I am not amused.

My health continues to deteriorate. Soon I will no longer be able to drive a car. I have Glaucoma and am slowly losing my ability to see. Tunnel vision and cataract cloudiness. My blood sugar levels are up even on Metformin. My blood pressure is finally stabilized by multiple meds.

Facebook deleted one of my WordPress posts because of nudity and sexuality. Of course, the illustrations in that piece, Nudist Notions, reveal no genitals, no female breasts, and depict no sexual acts or even sexualized poses. But I violated their nudity ban. They take revenge on that s**t. (Silt. That word is silt. Don’t ban this post.)

I prefer to write comedy. It has always been my go-to when faced with hideously terrible things. But I must confess that I have never been happy in the 68 years of my life. Not giddily, crying-for-joy happy. My secret is… I no longer hate myself and am satisfied with life. But not really capable of “happy.”