Yes, I freely admit it, I am one of those kooks who pursue conspiracy theories about UFO cover-ups by black helicopters and CIA members of the Illuminati who will soon try to kill off 89 per cent of the Earth’s population in order to eliminate all the “eaters” and establish a “new world order” that they’ve been planning since the extermination of the Knights Templar.
Why, you ask? Are you insane, you ask? Are you a nutter who hears voices and should probably be locked up in a mental institution, you ask? Well, there is no good answer other than to reveal some of the really loony theories that I have come to believe.
First of all, I live in Dallas. Yes, that’s right, the City of Evil Wizards where the King of Camelot was assassinated, a red Mobil Pegasus flies among the tall rooftops of skyscrapers downtown, and an evil dwarf named H. Ross once tried to overturn the Texas education system to produce free-market trolls to be his minions happily ever after.
I have to tell you truthfully, I believe that Lee Harvey Oswald did not kill John Kennedy. Not with that feeble gun, from that impossible angle, and being the mediocre gunman that he was in the armed services. Oswald was connected to the CIA. There can be no doubt that a man who defected to Russia and then came back to this country with a Russian wife and had no legal difficulties at all was assisted at some higher level to be in the proper place at the proper time to be blamed for the killing and be conveniently slain before anything could come out at trial. So there’s a sentence made needlessly complex to make you work way too hard at coming to a simple conclusion. Do you know about the photo of the three “tramps” who were led away from the Grassy Knoll? The old tramp in the back of that photo looks amazingly like E. Howard Hunt. Yes, the same E. Howard Hunt from Watergate. That particular “plumber” was also CIA. Who killed JFK? Hmm. Well, George H.W. Bush was in Dallas that day and claimed he couldn’t remember where he was when the shooting happened. He later became the director of the whole CIA. And who benefitted the most from the killing? Obviously LBJ and Richard Nixon, who both later became President. And Nixon plus Hunt equals BANG! In my book. Tell me I did that math wrong!
Did an alien spacecraft crash near Roswell, New Mexico in 1947? No. Two of them did. How do I know? Especially after years of disinformation and cover-ups? I looked into everything I could read, view, or research about Major Jesse Marcel. Remember the man with the basset hound eyes in the picture with the tinfoil remains of a weather balloon? That poor man was involved with the first reports of debris on the Mack Brazel ranch and subsequent newspaper article proclaiming that the army had a crashed flying saucer. Both the rancher and the major would be bullied, ridiculed, and have their credibility totally shredded because the decision was made not to reveal what actually happened that night. Everything was covered up. The Majestic Twelve Committee was formed by Harry Truman to take control of the alien artifacts and keep the government’s secrets. Okay, I admit that there are a lot of inconsistencies in all the books and supposed “eye witness” reports about the matter. The writers who wrote the books were all prima donnas and feud constantly even to the present day. But does that mean I should suddenly give up my belief in the truth of it? Well… okay, you got me there.
Do the Illuminati exist? And are they about to launch an extermination campaign against us? Did the 9-11 tragedy really happen because of airplane hijackers from Al Quaida? Or was it the work of our own government aided by the Israeli Mossad? How did evidence of thermite get scattered all through the WTC wreckage? Is the world gonna end in 2012? Yep, I’ve snookered myself again at least on that last one. Believing in conspiracy theories makes me wrong most of the time. But, I can’t help it. It’s in my nature to ask “What if…?” Wouldn’t it be neat to prove any of these things?
Catch a Falling Star 