December 2, 2016 12:48 pm
This scary-faced man is the nutball known as David Icke. My essay today is not about him, but about his amazing conspiracy theory that puts to rest once and for all the notion that intelligent life exists on the planet Earth. His theory clearly shows that the correct answer to the notion is, “No, there is absolutely no intelligent life on the planet Earth.”
Seriously… this man believes there is a race of reptilian aliens living in the center of the planet Earth which is apparently hollow. But not content to live in the center of the Earth and kidnap people to eat, they morph into human form and replace world leaders and important humans with cold-blooded reptilian aliens. Queen Elizabeth of England is one. Both Presidents Bush are also aliens. He offers as proof that sometimes they begin to let their disguises drop and photos have been taken that reveal the true nature of these disguised individuals. Particularly if they are photographed or videoed poorly.
Or, you know, maybe the photos were altered slightly to bring out the change.
And you know that this theory must be true. David Icke has all those years as a soccer commentator to back up the validity of his analysis.
Anyway… I believe he is right. At least, metaphorically speaking. Many of the bad guys that keep winning against the odds and the interests of the American people are obviously cold-blooded lizards underneath. Especially Republicans.
Notice the simpering lizard grin. The self-satisfied smile of a blood-drinker who has recently slaked his thirst on the blood of other immigrants. He is elected by a State that is is largely made up of Hispanic immigrants, yet his idea of immigration reform centers around deportation and cruelty to people who nominally share the same cultural background as he does. He loves to eat machine-gun bacon, cooked on the hot barrel of an assault weapon that it is his sacred second-amendment right to own and to open carry. He is ever ready to stand his ground and shoot down anyone whom he might perceive as a threat, including, no doubt food-stamp-fed grandmothers and their children… or rather “Abuelas y nietos”. It is not hard to believe in his cold-bloodedness. And since he is obviously the darling of the Koch Brothers and other scions of the greedy right, it is easy to believe that he eats little children for breakfast. Or at least wants to take public assistance monies away from them to give it out in tax breaks to the wealthy corporate elites.
Senator Tedhkruzh, the lizard-man from the doomed planet Galtorr Prime.
These lizard politicians have sympathy for no one but the wealthy and the powerful, most of which are also presumably lizard people. And now that the Trumpasaurus Rex has taken over the White House, the lizard people are going to feast, stripping the bones of the poor and the helpless, along with the ground meat from the withering middle class.
Does all of this nonsense about lizards scare you? If it doesn’t, it probably should. But none of it is my fault. If you have to blame someone… it’s David Icke’s conspiracy theory.
Posted by authormbeyer
Categories: aliens, angry rant, horror writing, humor, monsters, Paffooney, politics, satire
Tags: conspiracy theories, David Icke, Donald Trump, goofiness, politics, reptilian aliens, Ted Cruz
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Next you are going to say he believes Obama is a Muslim born in Kenya.
By Keith on December 2, 2016 at 7:49 pm
As conspiracy theorists go, both Icke and Alex Jones are pretty much Obama haters. And Trump lovers for that matter. I think that is the scariest part of their crazy theories and the many followers they cultivate.
By authormbeyer on December 2, 2016 at 8:36 pm
They must be blowing a gasket when he says nice things about Obama during the transition.
By Keith on December 3, 2016 at 12:11 am
I hope they are… but do crazy people even have gaskets?
By authormbeyer on December 3, 2016 at 12:51 am
Ridiculous theory, but imagine it was true? How interesting would that be!
By TheBloggingLeprechaun on December 2, 2016 at 9:31 pm
Ridiculous, yes, but I still think it is metaphorically true. Ted Cruz is definitely a lizard man.
By authormbeyer on December 3, 2016 at 12:50 am
Does this sort of come from Karel Capek’s War with the Newt’s?
By dumbestblogger on April 10, 2017 at 12:59 pm
No, but thank you for giving me something to investigate. This is from the fact that I am from Texas, and we elected Senator Ted Cruz as a Tea Party mad hatter. If you couldn’t tell by looking at him, he is one of those reptiloid aliens that masquerade as a human world leader. Of course, I am only joking… I hope.
By authormbeyer on April 10, 2017 at 2:30 pm
Reblogged this on Catch a Falling Star and commented:
Here’s a timely re-blog about immigration. The bad ones are already here.
By authormbeyer on July 10, 2018 at 2:23 pm
Something that most people here are missing… Icke’s theory is merely an allegory. He’s not saying that the world leaders ARE alien lizard people, he is saying that they act like alien reptiles who are dead set on destroying humanity. the future may yet prove Icke to be 100% accurate in his assessment of the people in control.
By Joseph on March 7, 2019 at 9:32 pm
He needs to work on his allegorical skills, but I fear you are correct about politicians proving him right. Ted Cruz is literally a lizard. How many times have you seen him shed his skin in public after all?
By authormbeyer on March 8, 2019 at 9:47 am